I feel that I need to ground myself a little. I’ve been burning so hot and bright that flying too near the sun is now a good possibility, and must stop before I burn out. Now I’m not talking about doing too much drugs or anything – it’s mostly my thoughs/feelings that have run away…I am no longer in control of where they are taking me. I belvieve that it’s all part and parcel of the same problem – however it’s only become apparent to me recently. My thoughts often shadow my feelings – this has always helped me not to anger quickly, or to forgive even quicker. But I find myself wanting to feel more and more – and finding myself feeling more and more.

At the same time it feels like I’m losing control over myself.

I don’t know which is better – more feelings and less control, or more control and less feelings. I know I know – eveyone is going to say “you must find a balance, son”.

But is there anything there worth exploring, and is balance even possible in this case?

I’m saying things that I feel and later analyze them and they don’t make any logical sense – but they still feel right. How am I going to resolve this internal conflict without detroying my”self”?

I think perhaps I will need to meditate on this. I’ve found that that is the one space that I can merge thoughts and feelings – only after you clear both out though. Man, I haven’t meditated in over a year. Perhaps this is what I need.